irresponsibleeyouth:

The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

bellefrenchfries:

tonight at dinner my dad started going on about how I need to come up with a successful social media website so we can sell it for a billion dollars and I asked him what brought this on and he replies “I read online that yahoo bought this ‘tumblr’ website. I’ve never even heard of that site do you know what tumblr is?”

image

‘noP3 NO nEVer hEArD OF iT WHy dO YoU ASk’

peregr1ne:

my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him

whorville:

I have bullshitted my way through almost two decades of life

  • some bitch: omg you wore that shirt the other day
  • me: yeah well in my house we have this amazing thing called a washing machine
  • where can i download motivation

    Chinese proverb.

    donasoar:

    With money you can buy a house, but not a home.
    With money you can buy a clock, but not time.
    With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep.
    With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge.
    With money you can buy a doctor, but not good health.
    With money you can buy a position, but not respect.
    With money you can buy blood, but not life.
    With money you can buy sex, but not love.